| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2011|01:00 am] |
I'm becoming less and less coherent very rapidly. I can't talk anymore, not even in my own head.
Shadows of words and phrases flit by, each one making my heart compress more tightly into itself.
...
See what I mean? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2010|09:53 pm] |
THEY DESTROYED MY SQUATTING TOILET AND WON'T REBUILD ANOTHER IN ITS PLACE
Fuck lah, people's homes you know! Ccb. Now I'll have to save money to find another contractor who'll be willing to rebuild it for me in the unforeseeable future. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2010|06:23 pm] |
Is it just me or does Muse's Unintended seem to be inspired by 90s jiwang malay songs?
._. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2010|01:29 am] |
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Have I mentioned my immense jealousy of good-looking people? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2010|05:17 am] |
It appears the time warp hasn't dissolved. It is still around me.
I reckon I'd have to fling myself full force through its boundaries to rejoin the world. |
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| M Nasir |
[Sep. 21st, 2010|05:23 am] |
One Malay singer I used to be a fan of (until I just kind of forgot about him, and malay songs in general) is M. Nasir. I'm a fan again.
The problem is I don't understand most of his songs! There are a million references to so many things in Malay (and Islamic?) literature that I don't get. Or some merely more cheem words (like satwa instead of haiwan or binatang for animal).
I feel like such an illiterate. I could learn a lot just from his songs (lol it's like I'm learning Japanese all over again). |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2010|09:56 am] |
Nightmare last night. I'm not too sure whether it can be classified as one because I wasn't really personally terrified while in it but I woke up and saw bloody hands in the mirror (yes, I sleep in front of a mirror; my soul is gone) which two seconds later resolved into pillows. I also saw the bloody face of a corpse which turned out to be a bag on the floor.
I don't completely remember it, but it has something to do with being trapped in an abandoned dark asylum (flickering lights, general state of disrepair) for Eternity.
They probably didn't even give you the whole asylum, just one level, those bastards.
I'm a little bothered. Why am I having nightmares again? I thought I was over that. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2010|07:16 am] |
I'm going to miss salam cium tangan (kissing the hand one's elders as a sign of respect when meeting and parting).
I rather liked being the obedient nice malay boy at times. |
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| Why I (usually) can't work at something in front of others |
[May. 16th, 2010|05:35 pm] |
I don't like people seeing me work at something that I'm not good at. You can easily figure out how this has affected my life so far.
While digging around in my memories I found this:
I was being unusually hardworking (doing household chores, studying or praying) and my parents came along and sindired me.
"Rajin, nampak!" ("Someone's very hardworking I see!")
They did it with a smile, and, thinking back, they were just teasing me and were probably pleased. I, however, didn't like it. I think I took it to mean something like I was just a lazy boy. What I heard was probably more like "This is so uncharacteristic of you."
And so to avoid this, whenever the urge to do something visibly productive came over me I fought it, and instead decided to continue what I was doing at the time, or to move on to an activity that people would normally associate with me like playing or reading or watching television.
It depends on who the people are and what they're like, but by default I don't like people seeing me trying to change for the better. I imagine all of their sindirans in their minds and stop almost before I begin.
This is also the real reason I am once in a while annoyed when someone tries to correct me. I welcome all the help and good advice I can get, but it just reminds me that someone is paying attention to what I'm doing and is probably thinking something like what I thought my parents did.
I probably need help. |
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